it wasn’t a catalyst for anything in particular but I think I realized how far I had come: we know we’re gonna leave we know we’re going travelling, visiting other areas, other countries, other states getting ideas for how to keep warm or how to put together a makeshift kitchen --it was like a crazy fortune --I could work on the same project for hours --I painted a diamond on the floor I lit some coals I burned this incense from India that was really fragrant I did laps around the diamond broke a mirror --I had this light-sensitive retainer in my mouth when I would open and close my mouth it would change the volume of the sound --so instead of the microphone --light

in the warehouse, which is imaginary we just burn shit

that’s why everyone’s moving we just have to wait for more buildings and graffiti, we could do it I did that one up there: “Castelvania Uncooperative” there’s another-- it dims out then comes right back then it goes white then turns more of a red the bulb, it tricks you --every morning, we’d throw a bunch of shit one day day there’s a ladder that’s 25 feet long how the fuck did that get into the river? then they’ll be a beach chair in the middle of it then some kids walking in it like it’s National Geographic fishing naked

you’d walk or bike on this uneven pavement you’d head for this door on the top of the stairs, you’d see this light --abstract --brutal --that legacy: two hundred years and talking about having shows in the void with a push lawnmower, trying to run people over breaking 8ft. fluorescent tubes water dripping from the roof window panes --you’d just fold into the space and hear from both sides this “who-whis-wuu-wuu-w-whi-hishuhh” this multiple granular synthesis noise of all the things happening at the same time it was like the ocean some kind of ocean wave sound and you’re like “it’s the ocean, oh, no, wait, it’s the machines”

the space next to the river the way light came in --suns-- gorgeous abandoned annexes magic hour, condensed --sometimes we joked about running a tin can phone across the parking lot on the ground, throwing it up trying to get it through the window and sometimes Mindy’s cat would jump through Tatyana’s window --fire-like in the middle of the night, the Rigorous Disco of Doom two characters performing a wedding one’s technology & the other’s nature --there’s a party the party is this celebration there’s a priest & pigeons attack the priest & then disco balls & fake guts & blood resurrected --then everybody turns & it ends

a fucking castle a soft kiss, a soft knife a dead-end detour where we were all living --everybody knew the spirit of the place Soft always tucked away no neighbors I think that’s just the beast itself some artifact sound, power this big power this giant spark --it was my energy in charge in nature fucking Lightning possibilities--

being inside is like being inside a great serger massive humming not menacing at all

free space: finished edges, raw seam & pattern --the fantasy was to create a kind of safety that can’t exist elsewhere always safe, sitting in the river an untouched island a huge project --in fact, I was thinking about this recently I could move to some small town buy a mill there then I get to do the work & the flood-- I don’t know I don’t know I don’t think that’s it we were underwater we were this island and it was, somehow, okay

I remembered, at one point, we didn’t know anybody people would wake up get out, go around the bonfire whatever, smoke, burn holes spray paint in a cave --you don’t always want to be public we would talk --you walk in and you think you see something

but it’s just the building --the wind on this building --the vastness of the building so threatening, so close at night it’s fucking beautiful it beats, makes sound like everything else

rumors were starting rumors in the parking lot, over email everybody had to go they were trying to avoid the kind of complete shit show when people get evicted vacate, disappear, collapse or burn we ended up in a passageway we were all sitting like lace & lights & bones --the transformation of those spaces they are massive --we made smaller spaces we built a maze of paper created new ways to move --it’s weird to go back usually the second floor is closed off but one day the door propped open & I went in there with some friends & wandered wild vestiges --night & glowing eyes & only a few lights

I was welding metal spikes hanging from the ceiling over & over I cast weird surface imperfections the way light moves through glass, you have to look close: bees hardened & hanging on a string may come alive & swarm eventually will shatter --inaudible & what to cast, I’m not sure there are vapors & gasmasks & sirens & gloves but sometimes I live here & it’s raining glass in the building forever --and this is all that’s left-- steel & light & armature something structural a full metal shop --people come & ask to use it for various projects & then one of the walls, abstract, falls down but that image of glass always lives here

I really liked our space if you looked out the window there was a little roof wing it looked over the river --I got lost down there once I started running trying to get out and came out a place and didn’t know how I got there --people used to always do that --static --the face --a huge net --a dream catcher --one day we went to the woods and there was this really tall tree like 100 feet and there was this crazy vine that was kind of dead, hanging --we were like, “we should pull this” --but it was actually way harder than it sounded so it was like five of us trying to yank it off like running--